She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
