I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
