Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
