i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
