Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
