He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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