the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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