As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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