i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
