saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
