btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
