i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We had to coat check the pizza.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
