a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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