The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
