you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
