so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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