your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
