I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
