Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize
