perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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