i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
