fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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