I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
