OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
