is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
