WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
