listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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