i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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