Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
