I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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