I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
