Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
