I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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