just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
