Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
