Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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