He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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