Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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