All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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