white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
