he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
