Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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