My friends, they love my intelligence
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
