i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
