i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
