shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
