were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
