Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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