i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
