Rock
Scissors
Fuck
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found puke in my bra..
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
