I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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